A couple of weeks ago, I wasn’t sure what it was… Maybe the rain – getting past this season of healing – new rhythms – but it had just all flooded in and I was feeling heaaaaavy. Like wanted to just crawl in a hole and wait for sunshine kind of funk. Have you ever had those moments?
And then again, there I was. Driving home from a day trip back home with Finn sleeping in the back and it was raining. The kind of rain where the drops are so big and fast you can’t tell them apart. You’re not exactly sure where the lanes start and stop, and your four ways are on, you know the kind I mean? … and then I realized I was on the bridge over the Susquehanna – I couldn’t see the river, I only knew I was on the bridge because the faint sound of the road changed over the noise of all the rain… I don’t think I had ever white knuckled a steering wheel as tight as that night… and I just started praying.
Not the kind of prayers that’s like, “hey God it’s me, keep me safe kthanks amen.” Like the kind of prayer that has nothing actually to do with the rain or safety but that kind of prayer you didn’t even know was coming out of you… more like “God take away my saddness, take away my anxiety, fill me up with the hope of Jesus, not the hope I’ve put in others on earth, take my burdens, take my broken heart, my shattered dreams, take away the voices that aren’t yours, the doubts, the fears that can only be from the enemy not from you…” and before I knew it I was shouting and crying, and crying and shouting. My sweet babe still sleeping soundly in the back, and as I crossed the other side of the bridge back to the earth the rain completely stopped. I have never experienced anything like that before. And after the rain, the word pursue was laid into me in a way that could have only been pressed into my heart by my Heavenly Father.
So here I am, a daughter of the one true king – learning what it means to pursue.
I’ve been taking so many notes down over the course of the past week that I can’t wait to process – so grateful for moments of brokenness and vulnerability with Jesus so he can draw me even nearer.